Written by Matt
Here’s a list of famous Hollywood actors: Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Richard Gere, Uma Thurman, Halle Berry, Chloe Moretz, Emma Stone and Naomi Watts. Wouldn’t all those actors (and more) make a great movie?
Nope.
Movie 43 is the awful brainchild of Dumb and Dumber director Peter Farrelly. It’s a series of raunchy sketches connected loosely by the premise of Denis Quaid holding movie producer, Greg Kinnear, at gun-point, and forcing to him to listen to his ridiculous pitches. Each individual sketch is written, directed and performed by completely different people than the last, and is only connected by the weird overarching narrative.
It honestly seems like this film was written by a bunch of teenage boys. I wouldn’t be surprised if the directors had just let their pre-pubescent kids brainstorm whatever they thought was particularly hilarious in the world, and then made a script out of it. Here’s the punchlines to all the sketches, in order: testicles, incest, poop, sex, boobs, gay sex, menstruation, penis, sex, penis, cats. Most people will find the sketches downright offensive and vulgar. If you’re more used to that kind of thing, you still won’t find them funny. The big laughs in Movie 43 are few and far between, well hidden among the film’s vacuous attempts at shock humour.
Here’s an example of the (literal) crap I had to sit through: Anna Faris and Chris Pratt play a young couple who are both looking for a change. Pratt wants to propose, but before he can, Faris blurts out that she wants him to poop on her. Yes, I spent five minutes of my life watching Chris Pratt decide the best way to poop of Anna Faris. Eventually, he takes a little too much laxative, gets hit by a car, and covers a city street, and himself, in fecal matter. Don’t ask me any more questions about it, I don’t want to talk about it.
To be fair, since each sketch is written and directed by different people, there are a couple moments I caught myself having a good time. I do, however, emphasize A FEW. There is one sketch that is legitimately funny and doesn’t rely on disgusting gags to get laughs. It involves Terrance Howard as a basketball coach in the late 1950s trying to convince his discouraged all-black team they have no chance of losing to an all-white team. It plays more like a Saturday Night Live sketch than the other misguided sections of this movie, but that’s about as good of a compliment I can give it. To recommend this movie based on that single four minute segment would be ridiculous, and I wouldn’t blame anyone who walks out long before it comes around.
How so many great performers agreed to be a part of this film is beyond me. In addition to the list I mentioned before, Movie 43 includes Jason Sudeikis, Justin Long, Kristen Bell, John Hodgman, Seth McFarlane, Elizabeth Banks, Gerard Butler, Kate Bosworth, Jack McBrayer, and way, way, way more. Farrelly joked that he called them all telling them it was a Coen Brothers film to get them to show up. After seeing it, I’m starting to think he wasn’t kidding. At least the short sketches didn’t require too much of a time commitment, so these actors didn’t take their focus away from more important and entertaining endeavors.
Movie 43 is unbearable. There’s very little good I can say about this thing. My favourite scene in the whole movie was the credits, which brought a smile to my face like no other part of this atrocity could. If you’re looking to ruin a date, or torture an enemy, I’d totally recommend this movie. For everyone else, run far away. Take a look at your local theatre’s showtimes and pick literally any other movie. You have been warned.
